Kinker Korner’s Top 32 Movies Of 1984 NSFW

      Comments Off on Kinker Korner’s Top 32 Movies Of 1984 NSFW

Well, we’re now at the year of my birth. A truly monumental year as I came screaming into the world and haven’t stopped screaming since. Joking aside I think you’re going to enjoy this one…..some incredibly strong movies. So let’s get to it then, on with the show.

 

32. Revenge Of The Nerds

NNNNNERRRRRDS!!!.A very deliberately cliched college comedy with all the stereotypes accounted for. Jock bullies, nerds, loose women, girls next door, strict teachers etc, it’s like a highlights package of  the genre but it knows what it is and has likeable, memorable characters. It’s a good time. 

Best Bit- Revenge pranks

 

31.Electric Dreams

Mostly known for the excellent theme song of the same name by Phil Oakey (yes it is awesome ye dick shut up) the movie itself is a fun little romantic comedy starring the beautiful Virginia Madsen of Candyman fame and some other fella. These early movie depictions of computers are always funny to look back at. 

Best Bit-The duet

 

30. C.H.U.D

The greatest movie title of all time. A B movie in every sense of the word…terrible acting, poor effects but most importantly it’s an absolute blast. Strictly for fans of B movie horror and as you know what you’re getting if you’re well acquainted with this kind of nonsense. Anyone else will have their eyebrows raised and asking if I’ve gone off my head. Wee monsters in the sewers is always a fun time.

Best Bit- The intro

 

29. Footloose

That poster explains nothing!. Kevin Bacon’s breakout lead role sees him move to a town run by the religious residents who have banned rock music and dancing while he vows to bring it back. Beyond cheesy but undeniably good natured and memorable. John Lithgow is great as usual playing the town’s minister.

Best Bit- Final dance

 

28. Children Of The Corn

One of the Stephen King adaptations that was pretty poorly received which is understandable I guess as it’s not without it’s many problems. Despite those issues I was always a fan of this wee horror cult classic about a small farm town run by a murderous cult of kids led by the brilliantly creepy Isaac. Linda Hamilton is braw in the lead role with her and her husband breaking down in the creepy town only to be terrorized by the kids who are working for “he who walks behind the rows”.

Best Bit-Malachai heel tunr

 

27. The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension

A mental sci fi adventure starring Robocop himself, Peter Weller, about a dr, brain surgeon, pilot rock star fights aliens……yup. As bizarre as it is entertaining and imaginative beyond belief with all the campy qualities of 50s sci fi influences slapped firmly on it’s sleeve. There is talk of Kevin Smith adapting it for a new tv show……make of that what you will.

Best Bit- The credits

 

 

26.Splash

A Ron Howard directed fantasy romantic comedy starring Otm Shank and Daryl Hannah with support from the late great John Candy. Is this the first mainstream bestiality rom com? I mean it’s about a guy wanting to shag a fish lady or “mermaid” as the pc cucks want us to call them now #MAGA. Joking aside it’s a fun high concept movie with a likeable cast and it was a massive success worldwide. Right, watch the trailer below, when John Candy is playing squash is it just me or do they throw a crash mat for him to fall on then cuts to a shot where they’ve removed it?. Academy award winner Ron Howard.

Best Bit- Bath time

 

25. Stop Making Sense

A Talking Heads concert film directed by Jonathan Demme of Silence Of The Lambs fame. The quirky post punk legends led by David Byrne are captured bang in their prime and the performance is fantastic. There’s always something special about a concert film when it’s done right as it manages to capture a feeling, an atmosphere that can only be bettered by being there. Byrne is a great frontman and the band display boundless energy.

Best Bit- Once In A Lifetime

 

24.Red Dawn

Another entry for director John Milius who did a great job with this war film about the Russian, Cuban and Nicaraguan army invading suburban America. A group of teenagers calling themselves the wolverines fight back using guerilla warfare. A macho, violent movie about a possible world war 3 scenario and hilariously over the top at times but lots of fun. It caused a load of controversy from both sides of the political spectrum with all sorts of groups getting the wrong end of the stick…..typical stuff.

Best Bit-Field battle

 

23.Top Secret!

A sadly forgotten comedy from the makers of Airplane (the original Airplane they make sure to remind you in the promotional material) that has all of the usual Zucker brothers craziness and infantile madcap slapstick. Val Kilmer isn’t exactly the first person that you would think of when I read out that description but he gives it a good go and pulls it off well. 

Best Bit- Siege on the house

 

 

22. Police Academy

Isn’t it funny how time changes perspectives on things? When I was a young lad people my aged loved the Police Academy movies and it wasn’t until I got older that I learned that most adults saw it as an endless series of crap that was pumped out on a yearly much like the latest Wayans brothers movies are to me now I’m an adult and younger folk love them so it all goes in cycles I guess. I loved the first few Police Academy movies for it’s cast of quirky characters.

Best Bit- Riot

 

21. Streets Of Fire

A Walter Hill movie that is so macho it actually comes out the other end and ends up campy as hell but in the most fun way. I have a soft spot for this movie based on two things, one being that it’s a Walter Hill movie and I really like him. Secondly it was a huge influence on my favourite video game of all time Final Fight so it has a wee place in my heart. It’s a neo-noir musical street fighting movie, street punks included.

Best Bit- Final showdown

 

20. The Toxic Avenger

The poster boy for Troma films, this movie has all the schlock, violence, sex and B- movie goodness you’d expect from the masters of sleaze only this one has a lot of charm and heart which has made it something of a cult classic. Unbelievably it got a kids cartoon based on it called The Toxic Crusaders….much like the robocop cartoon I wonder what the hell the people in charge were thinking. The kids are obviously going to want to know what the movies are like and neither of those movies are in any way suitable for kids. I was a weird kid though so I loved them.

Best Bit- Punk fight

 

19. Romancing The Stone

An action adventure fantasy movie starring Kathleen Turner and everyone’s favourite sex turtle Michael Douglas.  I don’t know what it’s cut status is these days as I rarely hear it being discussed these days which is sad because it really is an inventive little adventure about a lonely writer who gets whisked away into an adventure like the ones she writs about.

Best Bit-

 

 

18. Blood Simple

The debut film from the Coen brothers displays all the darker than dark humour, violence and slick delivery that you get from the talented duo. It didn’t perform very well at the box office but became a critical smash and still remains one of their best movies. It’s an incredibly confident debut about….well it’s so full of twists and turns I don’t know what to say.

Best Bit- Abby fights back

 

17. Sixteen Candles

One of the many classic 80s John Hughes coming of age romantic comedies that defined a generation and this is one of the better ones. It’s lower than it normally would be on these lists but the top of half of this year is pretty insane. Every 80s teenager’s crush Molly Ringwald stars in this one with human Ken doll Michael Schoeffling and Anthony Michael Hall. It has more emphasis on the heart and sentimentality of story telling than some of the genre produces and it stands out because of it. It’s sweet and will take you back to your teens and all those awkward romantic attempts. ….The Asian character Long Duk Dong hasn’t aged well at all, though and to be honest I never found him particularly funny with the terrible stereotypes that added nothing to the movie.

Best Bit-Senior dance

 

16. Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter

The final chapter you say? Aye ok then I’ll believe it. This entry into the popular yet admittedly terrible (I still love it) horror franchise is definitely one of the better made ones and stars Corey Feldman just before he would go on to film Goonies and become a mega star. Having a child as an adversary for Jason Voorhees was a great idea that shouldn’t have worked but somehow did. 

Best Bit- Final battle

 

15.1984

Based on the classic George Orwell dystopian novel that everyone always points to thinking they’re clever whenever the government does anything totalitarian-like. Incredibly bleak and a very solid take on the source material with John Hurt and Richard Burton turning in excellent performances. Don’t watch it for a good time as it’s painfully depressing and hey guys…..it’s more relevant than ever eh?…..the…the government and….you know….it’s like 1984 eh?.

Best Bit-“You must love him”

 

14.Once Upon A Time In America

One could be forgiven for thinking this was a Scorsese movie (I definitely didn’t for years…..ahem) as it stars De Niro and is a gritty crime drama set in old timey New York but it’s actually directed by legendary spaghetti western pioneer Sergio Leone. It shares many genre tropes about betrayal, rising up in mafia organizations, respect and all that stuff that glorifies these eejits but it’s undeniably interesting and a thoroughly entertaining movie. Something of an epic clocking in at over three hours.

Best Bit- No broads

 

13. The Neverending Story

There aren’t many films that traumatized me the way that this did when I was a kid except maybe The Land Before Time (I had to be taken out of the cinema I was crying so much……) but that scene with the horse (Artax) in the quick sand nearly ended me. An unbelievably imaginative fantasy film with all kinds of monsters and friendly beasts on a massive adventure. Every kid should watch this to expand their minds. Wolfgang Petersen directed this wonderful West German fantasy. Oh and it had a sweet them song from Limahl.

Best Bit- Meeting Falkor

 

12.Dune

 

David Lynch’s high profile flop is finally getting recognised these days for the great piece of film that it is. An adaptation of the Frank Herbert novel about two high powered factions fighting for control over a vast desert planet called Dune which is the sole source of a drug that helps space travel. Kyle MacLachlan, who frequently collaborates with Lynch stars in this sprawling sci fi epic. Cool soundtrack with music from Toto and Brian Eno too.

Best Bit- Rainfall

 

11. The Karate Kid

A massive film from my youth about a young boy who moves to a new town where he is bullied and directionless. He befriends an elderly Japanese neighbour who teaches him martial arts. It’s similar in tone to Rocky and all those underdog stories but this one related more to youngsters as it was about a high school kid. There are many classic scenes and quotes like “wax on wax off” that became pop culture mainstays. An uplifting and enjoyable martial arts drama.

Best Bit- Final fight

 

 

10. Repo Man

One of the most punk rock mainstream movies ever made with a tremendous soundtrack and cameo appearances from the likes of The Circle Jerks. A black comedy starring Emilio Estevez and Harry Dean Stanton who has sadly passed away as I write this. Rightfully this weird and unhinged movie has achieved cult status and was embraced tightly by the punk community. The plot concerns a weird light in the boot of a car vaporizing people and…..oh just watch it.

Best Bit- The code

 

9. Beverly Hills Cop

The movie that really threw Eddie Murphy into international mega stardom and a funny crime comedy about a streetwise Detroit cop who moves to Beverly Hills to investigate the murder of his pal. Full of amusing one liners and carried by the sheer charisma of a young Murphy.

Best Bit- Booking a room

 

8. Nausicaa Of The Valley Of The Win

An early Hayao Miyazaki movie based on the manga of the same name and featuring his first collaboration with the excellent composer Joe Hisaishi. It’s a post apocalyptic sci fi drama with an environmental theme that Miyazaki is such a big fan of as a jungle is threatened with being destroyed. It was made before the formation of Studio Ghibli but with all the people involved it’s still considered the first movie of the studio.

Best Bit-The god warrior

 

7. Wheels On Meals

A Jackie Chan film directed by Sammo Hung (who also stars) with Yuen Biao? I’m in and there’s a reason this is considered one of the greatest martial arts comedy movies of all time. The superlatives I usually rattle out for Chan and Hung all apply here and I’m running out of them. Incredible physical feats and hilarious use of props make for some of the most astonishing physical comedy I’ve ever seen. Golden Harvest films always deliver……even stateside with TMNT (I was struggling to get that reference in this list but I managed!).

Best Bit- Chan vs Urquidez

 

6.Gremlins

What a curious wee gem this was. What starts as a cute and intriguing fantasy movie about a wee boy and his wee monster pet turns into a full on comedy horror monster movie. What an exciting one it is too with the excellent Joe Dante directing and Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates starring. The real star is Gizmo the mogwai though, everyone knows that.

Best Bit- Birth of the gremlins

 

5. Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom

When I was a wee lad this was my favourite of the original trilogy despite it being considered the weakest of the movies. I loved it and it had all the exciting adventure you’d expect from the franchise but much like the second part of the Star Wars franchise this entry was a lot darker and scared a lot of kids. It’s funny, scary and obnoxiously entertaining. A belter.

Best Bit- KALI MAAAA

 

4. Ghostbusters

One of the most enduring and beloved films of it’s era, maybe any era. Just mention it to someone in their 30s or 40s and it’s bound to bring a a huge smile to their face. An ensemble cast of the eras comedy actors and a fun as hell concept, this comedy horror nails it in nearly every way. I was in Tokyo a couple of years back and was walking down the street with a Ghostbusters t shirt on and a complete stranger who spoke no English stopped me and said “woohoo Ghostbusters!”.

Best Bit- The library

 

3.This Is Spinal Tap

So convincing was the absurdity of this rockumentary, many rock stars walked out of the movie because they either didn’t get it or they were offended. Such was the thin nature of many of them. Although marketed as mainly mocking the 70s and 80s metal eras it also takes off the 60s British invasion bands and does so wonderfully. It’s utterly hilarious in every scene and anyone who has ever been in a band will relate to the absurdities of many jokes.

Best Bit- Stonehenge 

 

2. The Terminator

I struggled for an absurdly long time about what to place at number one and two but here we are with the number two spot going to James Cameron’s cyberpunk masterpiece. A lot of people consider the excellent sequel to be better but there’s something more grimy and horror based about the first one that gets under my skin and stays there. I remember the first time I ever saw it at my neighbour Ewan’s house and it was all I could think about for weeks. Although there was controversy about the creation of the idea, Harlan Ellison claimed they nicked his idea and he had a point, what Cameron does is create a slightly complicated but wonderfully visual and visceral movie full of tense buildups and violence. It’s brilliant but you know that already don’t you?.

Best Bit- Tech Noir

 

1 A Nightmare On Elm Street

Ultimately Wes Craven’s magnum opus just pipped Terminator at the post and takes the top spot. I don’t think any movie from my youth got underneath my skin and stayed there the way this one did. I was obsessed with it after seeing some promotional advert for it I had to see it. As a huge horror fan at a ridiculously young age I knew a fair bit about it before I saw but that didn’t take away from the sheer terrifying intrigue and joy I got from watching it. Still one of my favourite horror movies….nae one of my favourite movies ever, Craven took the stale slasher genre and booted it up the arse, giving it a brain, a personality and teenagers that were actually likeable. An absolute godsend for horror fans.

Best Bit- Dancing On The Ceiling

 

 

There we go then, the year of my birth certainly delivered some absolutely fantastic films. Some all time greats on there and and insanely strong top ten. Join me back here for 1985 and catch me @swing)kinker cheers. x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

comments