Kinker Korner’s Top 35 Movies Of 1999 NSFW

Sad times as we end our look at the 90s but not to worry we’re ending pretty strongly with some all time greats…..and Never Been Kissed. Let’s have a look and see what ones you agree with. Enjoy!.

 

35. Never Been Kissed

I know I know I can’t help it, I’m a sucker for this kind of nonsense. Look at her feet in that poster….is it just me or are her toes photoshopped on?. The always likeable Drew Barrymore plays a journalist who goes undercover at a high school to help parents understand what youth life is like nowadays. I remember me and a bunch of pals went through to the cinema, probably to watch something cool and manly because we were cool and manly at age 13-15. Whatever it was we were going to see was rated 15 so Scotty didn’t get in and the only other thing on was this. Yea… me and a group of my guy mates went to see Never Been Kissed in our teens.

Best Bit- First day back

 

34. The Matrix

Yup it’s no doubt a lot lower than you’d expect. As much as I had fun watching it, the hype and critical acclaim has always just baffled me a little. I mean obviously it looks amazing and the effects are stunning but the movie as a whole was just good to me….not amazing, not life changing, just good. I know I’m in the minority though so it’s clearly me that’s a twat and I’m missing something.

Best Bit-Final fight

 

33. She’s All ThatOh leave me alone!. It’s a cute movie and you know it is. The premise has always been troubling to me though because it’s about a guy who takes a bet that he can take an unattractive girl and make her prom queen in a few weeks. The problem for me that the “unattractive” girl he chooses is RACHAEL LEIGH F****N COOK who is so gorgeous that even when they tried to make her ugly they couldn’t. Nonetheless it’s a romantic comedy so people learn things and all sorts of shenanigans happen. Good times.

Best Bit- ” Am I a bet?”

 

32.Godzilla 2000

It’s been a few lists since a kaiju film appeared but here we are with the first in the millennium series. This one follows on from the original and features UFOs and an abundance of special effects in an attempt to make it more modern and although it loses a little of the charm the earlier movies had it’s still a lot of fun.

Betst Bit- Fire fight vs Orga

 

31. Music Of The Heart

I totally forgot Gloria Estefan was in this. She was one of my very first crushes as a small child. Mum used to love her and play her stuff all the time. This was Wes Craven’s only real departure from the horror genre he’d been pinned into. He loved horror but had always wanted to do something as far away from it as possible to show his diversity and this Meryl Streep led biopic of Roberta Guasparo who fought for music education in inner city schools. It’s incredibly warm and sweet, a testament to Craven who himself, despite the horrors he inflicted upon us over the years, was himself a kind and gentle man.

Best Bit- The final performance

 

30. Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samurai

A really weird one this but thoroughly enjoyable as Forest Whitaker plays a hitman who works for the mafia but abides by a strict code based on the samurai book “Hagakure” so it mixes street culture with that of the old Japanese principals. RZA of Wu Tang fame produced the soundtrack too so that takes care of the awesome music.

Best Bit- “This is the substance of the way of the samurai”

 

29. The Virgin Suicides

Sofia Copella’s feature length directorial debut is an adaptation of the 1993 novel by Jeffrey Eugenides about five sisters who live under strict rules after one of them attempts suicide and are not allowed social lives. A group of local boys are increasingly fascinated with the teenage sisters and it follows them trying to learn more about each other. It’s a very accomplished film especially for a first time director.

Best Bit- The boys reading the diary

 

28. Summer Of Sam

Spike Lee’s fictional film centres on characters in New York at the time of the real life Son Of Sam murders in 1977. I expected a kind of thriller/horror kind of deal and although it does go into the murders, the primary focus of the movie is the lives of a group of friends in The Bronx.

Best Bit- Ritchie beatdown

 

27. American Beauty

A good but monstrously overrated drama about what lurks beneath suburban life with an excellent leading performance from Kevin Spacey as a man in a loveless relationship and a family that'[s falling apart. Sam Mendes received overwhelming critical acclaim for his direction and it’s definitely an interesting look at middle class American life and what lies beneath the seemingly idyllic mum and apple pie stereotype.

Best Bit- Thank you, drive through

 

26. Sleepy Hollow

Tim Burton’s adaptation of the short story “The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow” stars……you guessed it, Johnny Depp as Ichabod Crane who is investigating a series of murders by the headless horseman. As with most Burton movies it’s very nice to look at and the gothic aesthetic is stunning at times. Good support from Christina Ricci and Christopher Walken.

Best Bit- Fighting the horseman

 

25. Office Space

I’m a huge fan of Mike Judge and have been ever since the days of Beavis And Butthead. He’s got a varied sense of humour but it often seems to fail in connecting with mass audiences leading to his movies and shows becoming cult hits instead. That’s why I’m so pleased his new show Silicon Valley is doing so well. Judge is known as one of Hollywood’s good guys. Anyway this slice of life about nine to five jobs in offices and how soul crushing they can be will no doubt resonate with anyone who has lived that life.

Best Bit- Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

 

24. Dead Or Alive

A yakuza movie from the brilliant Takashi Miike about brewing conflict and an inevitable war between the Chinese Triads and Yakuza in the entertainment district of Shinjuku in Tokyo. It has plenty of Miike’s signature directorial flare and violence and a stylish, entertaining entry into the yakuza genre.

Best Bit- The intro

 

23. Whispering Corridors 2: Memento Mori

As seen in my best horror sequels list this South Korean follow up to the ground breaking Whispering Corridors also broke taboos with it’s depiction of a teenage lesbian relationship. Such was the backwards mentality of the time, it only received a limited release. One of the girls, traumatised by the scrutiny put on their relationship, takes her own life and strange things start happening around the school.

Best Bit- Scary PDA

 

22. Eyes Wide Shut

Stanley Kubrick’s final movie before his death (before it’s release) is certainly a strange one as Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman star in the erotic, drama. As with all Kubrick’s movies there’s beautiful use of symbolism and colour that keeps conspiracy theorists thinking there was a lot more to the movie than there actually was. It’s all about weird secret societies and it’s most famous for that masked orgy.

Best Bit- Meeting Red Cloak

 

21. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

The sequel to the pop culture juggernaut is more of the same but there’s nothing wrong with that as it’s still a lot of fun and on par with the original itself. Michael Myers stars as one of the 90s most recognisable characters and although the catchphrases etc have aged worse than Mickey Rourke there’s still a lot of laughs to be had. Heather Graham makes for a much more likeable support than Liz Hurley too which helps.

Best Bit- Fat Bastard fight

 

20. The Mummy

Poor Brendan Fraser, saw a thing about his ex wife taking him for everything he has recently. He looks like an utterly broken man. Oh well let’s look back at happier times when this revival of the Universal monsters series hit the scene and went for a more family friendly action adventure comedy vibe in lieu of it’s horror roots. I went to the cinema to see this with friends and it was a good laugh and Fraser is very likeable as the Indiana Jones style protagonist. A good fun time movie.

Best Bit- Insect attack

 

19. Ringu 2

The sequel to one of the best horror movies of all time was rushed out almost exactly a year after the original. The series has a bit of a bizarre history as two movies were released at the same time, Ringu which became a monster hit and Rasen which was a sequel but didn’t fare nearly as well so it was pretty much discarded in favour of making this new sequel instead. There are some fantastic scares in this one and although the plot is a little muddled and doesn’t follow Koji Suzuki’s novels it’s a great entry into the series for fans.

Best Bit- Fix the tracking!

 

18. Being John Malkovich

A truly bizarre and ingenious movie about a portal that let’s people enter John Malkovich’s mind……yup. Directed by quirky film maker Spike Jonez and written by equally quirky writer Charlie Kaufman, it’s a meta movie that manages to take a nuts concept and have a lot of fun with it without getting too pretentious.

Best Bit- Finding the portal

 

17. American Pie

The coming of age comedy of my generation and although I was already really into the 80s John Hughes movies in the same genre I still loved the first American Pie. Like all of these going away to college, sexy party movies it has it’s fair share of teenage stereotypes and gross out humour but there was something so likeable about this one that captured the public’s imagination. Believe it or I went to watch this with my parents as we were coming home from something, we decided randomly to pop in and see it. My dad spent the majority of it with his head in his hands as I pissed myself laughing along with mum. I thought it would be the other way around!.

Best Bit- Father son talk

 

16.Wild Zero

A surrealist, punk rock zombie movie with guns guitars and a special whistle that summons the punk band Guitar Wolf…….yes this is Japanese. It’s crazy, it’s violence is over the top to the point of slapstick and it’s tone is so overwhelmingly enjoyable that despite wondering what the hell you’ve just watched you’ll probably want to do it again.

Best Bit- Petrol station

 

15. Existenz

David Cronenberg in body horror movie shocker. Much like his earlier movie Videodrome looked at humans and their obsessive relationship with television, this one looks at the increasing realism and obsession with video games. It walks the line between reality and virtual reality as games have become organic and can be plugged into human spines to simulate real life. It’s weird, gross at times and has that Cronenberg style that makes him the king of the genre.

Best Bit- The bone gun

 

14. The Sixth Sense

“I see dead people” has to be the most famous single line from any movie of the entire decade of the 90s surely. Can you think of another one?. M. Night Shyamalan hit the big time with this supernatural thriller starring Haley Joel Osment as a young boy who can interact with the dead and Bruce Willis who plays a child psychologist trying to help him. It also has one of the most famous twists in movie history, one that Shyamalan has been trying to top ever since often with disastrous results.

Best Bit- Under the covers

 

13. Boys Don’t Cry

Kimberly Pierce’s biopic of Brandon Teena, a young trans man looking for love who was brutally beaten, raped and murdered in 1993. A wonderfully strong performance from Hilary Swank with support from indie darling Chloe Sevigny. Obviously due to the subject matter it’s harrowing and enlightening to the plight of trans people which is incredibly relevant in today’s society with more and more people finding the bravery to come out as trans.

Best Bit- “Best” is not the right word but the harrowing end.

 

12. My Neighbors The Yamadas

In a departure from most Studio Ghibli films this Isao Takahata directed comedy is presented in a sketchy comic strip style. I’m not one of those people who’s all “You have to watch the original Japanese audio because blah blah blah” even though I do usually prefer it. That said, in this case the English voice cast is led by James Belushi and nobody likes James Belushi……I doubt even James Belushi does.

Best Bit- Dad’s life advice

 

11. Kikujiro

In a departure for the excellent director/actor Beat Takeshi, Kikujiro is a more family based road trip drama as opposed to his usual violent Yakuza films. Frequent collaborator Joe Hisashi scores the movie and produces one of my favourite pieces of music ever in “Riverside” a truly gorgeous masterpiece of sound.

Best Bit- Playing games

 

10. Bangkok Dangerous

This was the directorial debut of twins the Pang brothers who would go on to make the superb horror movie The Eye. This crime thriller focuses on a deaf mute hitman and is incredibly stylish with composed direction from the Pangs on their first attempt. Don’t bother with the Nic Cage remake though it’s shite.

Best Bit- The train

 

9. Dogma

By far Kevin Smith’s cleverest and best movie is this purging of his catholic hangups from his youth. A great cast featuring the late Alan Rickman and George Carlin, Chris Rock, Linda Fiorentino, Matt Damon and more help make this religious fantasy comedy a real inventive winner. Due to it playing with Catholicism it of course caused great controversy from that lot who picketed and tried to get it banned without having watched it. Standard practice really.

Best Bit- Meeting Metatron

 

8. The Iron Giant

The brilliant Brad Bird’s directorial debut is this warm animation based on the Ted Hughes novel about a boy who finds a giant robot who falls to earth and tries to stop the government from destroying it. It’s sweet, whimsical, playful and cripplingly emotional. One of those film that stays with you. Warning, if you are in any way prone to tears then you will lose lots.

Best Bit- The sacrifice

 

7. The Blair Witch Project

A massively divisive indie horror movie that became a pop culture behemoth. I put it to thee that those who find it boring or don’t like simply have no imagination and can’t get lost in movies….there I said it!. A micro budget movie that kick started the popularity of the found footage film and became a huge success and I still think it has one of the best endings of any horror movie of all time. I was fifteen at this time and the promotion of this movie was great. You knew it wasn’t real but…..what if?.

Best Bit- The ending

 

6. Beyond The Mat

I was lucky  in terms of my age when it came to pro wrestling. When I was very young there were bright characters like Randy Savage, Jake The Snake, Ultimate Warrior etc and it was aimed more at kids but as I became a teenager the demographic shifted and wrestling became more violent, sexual and boundary breaking. We also started to see more behind the scenes shenanigans and how it all worked due to the internet and this documentary was perfectly timed. Wrestling was not just something your mate still watched when everyone else had grown out of it, this was 1999 and nearly everyone was watching it!. Well, lots of people anyway and it was hot. This documentary by Barry Blaustein somehow managed to blag it’s way behind the scenes at WWF and ECW where they interviewed the wrestlers and staff. It also showed the sadder side of the business with drug addicts and washed up former stars documenting their downfall. It was heavy stuff for a young lad who had grown up idolizing these people and a powerful, sometimes funny documentary.

Best Bit- “HE’S GONNA PUKE!”

 

5. Toy Story 2

One of the rare sequels that actually surpasses the classic original. A fantastic, whimsical movie from the kings of cgi Pixar. Woody is stolen by a rare toy collector and the rest of the gang have to come together to go on a rescue mission and bring him back. Stunning animation that still holds up today and great voice acting, pacing and timeless storytelling.

Best Bit- Elevator scene

 

4. South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut

It took me ages to realise the title was a nob joke…..I’m not bright. As with most movie that Trey Parker has been at the helm for this is a controversial comedy that also doubles up as an excellent musical. Trey always puts his own hilarious music in the movies and it’s no different here with some genuinely excellent musical numbers. Beneath all the controversy and dirty humour he really knows how to put a song together. Along with his partner in crime Matt Stone they delivered an excellent movie during the height of the tv shows’ infamy. It’s funny, sweet and endlessly quotable.

Best Bit- Up There

 

3. Audition

The great Takashi Miike’s most famous and infamous movie is this psychological drama based on the Ryu Murakami novel about a director who auditions girls with the purpose of making one of them his wife. H meets a beautiful young woman and decides to try with her. A lot of people, because of the hype and controversy that surrounded the movie, expect this to be a non stop gore or violence fest which couldn’t be further from the truth.Hopefully you can go in with no hype and let the slow build up hook and then knock you out with an insane last twenty minutes where everything you thought was happening goes flying out the window. It’s incredibly brave film making and one that will stay with you forever……you’ll probably not want to date again.

Best Bit-  Surgery

 

2. Fight Club

Based on the Chuck Palahniuk novel of the same name, this cult hit from David Fincher is an absolute classic and very nearly took the top spot. (sorry Lesley). Actually, is it a cult movie? I mean it did pretty well but it seems to be more of a smash on an underground level. Anyway whatever the case it’s brilliant and one of Brad Pitt’s best performances. Ed Norton is also excellent and I really don’t want to talk about the plot much if you haven’t seen it just go watch it. Anything I say will spoil it. There are about a million essays done on the meanings of each scene so my blurb isn’t going to do anything for you. I should make a joke saying that I shouldn’t be talking about Fight Club eh? That’d make me clever and funny.

Best Bit- Meeting Tyler

 

 

1. The Green Mile

An emotional powerhouse of a film based on Stephen King’s novel of the same name. The great Frank Darabont directed it with Otm Shank, sorry Tom Hanks starring alongside Michael Clarke Duncan in a career defining performance. It tells the tale of a giant, muscular, simple black man (played by Tom Hanks……..jk lolz) who is imprisoned for the death of a young girl but not everything is as it seems. He develops a relationship with Hanks’ corrections officer and it’s an intensely emotional experience to watch. I can’t get through it without floods of tears, it’s just a magical movie in so many ways. It plays on every emotion and you’ll be screaming at the screen one minute and crying into your pillow the next.

Best Bit- “I’m scared of the dark boss”

 

The last year of the 90s is over and what a ride it was. What was your favourite list of the decade?. WHat decade should I do next?. Catch me @swing_kinker see ya x.

 

 

 

 

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