Kinker Korner’s Top 35 Movies Of 2000 NSFW

 

35. Cherry Falls

Very much influenced by the slasher renaissance of the mid 90s started by Scream and carried on by the likes of I Know What You Did Last Summer, Cherry Falls is a very hip horror aimed at teens and with a very American Pie sexual high school vibe. A serial killer is offing virgins which causes mass pandemonium and girls giving away their virginity in order to survive. It’s pretty by the numbers but it’s got good fun dialogue and Brittany Murphy always had a unique and weird presence.

Best Bit- The chase

 

34. Ju-On The Curse Parts 1 &2

 

Not to be confused with Ju-On The Grudge which is what this hyper low budget movie from Takashi Shimzu led to. It’s known as V-Cinema which is like the straight to video market but often leads to the work being picked up by a studio and turned into a proper feature. That is the case here with this supernatural short that ended up spawning a franchise that became world famous and one of the most popular horror franchises of the 00s. This was it’s humble beginnings but don’t go in expecting the quality of The Grudge, it’s very different.

Best Bit- Descending on the school

 

33. Meet The Parents

 

Oh god dammit I’m going to have to praise that obnoxious twat Ben Stiller again. This was a very warm experience when I watched it with my parents and the humour really hit in all departments. Robert De Niro is of course the real star as the over protective father grilling Stiller who he feels is inadequate to date his daughter. Many of us have had those experiences of meeting girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s parents so most will be able to relate to the cringe worthy moments and the murphy’s law everything can go wrong style of writing.

Best Bit- The dinner

 

32.What Women Want

Oh leave me alone!. As I often say I’m a sucker for a good romantic comedy and this is a fine one. Helen Hunt is always very likeable (whatever happened to her?) and Mel Gibson is…….well Mel Gibson used to be fun. After getting electrocuted in the bath, Gibson can read the thoughts of women and uses it to be the perfect man. Who pitched that idea?.

Best Bit- Flirting

 

31. Shaft

I remember seeing the 1971 film around the time this remake was coming out and thought it looked pretty pointless and looked like a pale imitation. Turns out it was a hell of a lot of fun and although it often pays homage to the original a little too much to the point that it was almost like a parody. Luckily it’s a lot of fun and Sam Jackson was a good choice to play John Shaft as he was the generation’s cool guy.

Best Bit-“What’s my name?”

 

30. Uzumaki a.k.a Spiral

Based on the manga by the legendary Junji Ito, this weird horror never quite lives up to the source material but that’s a tough shout as the manga is an all time classic and one of Ito’s best works. It doesn’t have the fear factor possessed in the manga but the visuals are really cool and it creates an eerie and mystical atmosphere as a small town become infected with ethereal spirals.

Best Bit- Snails

 

29. Scream 3

The juggernaut horror franchise of the 90s rolled on but by this time the meta humour had gotten to the point that this entry was pretty much a flat out comedy horror. It worked so much better when it was a horror movie first and foremost but had witty and clever humour sprinkled in there. It’s definitely the weakest of the four movies but it’s still a lot of fun. I think they were right to take a break from the series though as by the time the fourth entry came out fans were gagging for more. It’s not as bad as you may remember and now that time has passed I’ve grown to appreciate it more than I used to.

Best Bit-Prop fight

 

28. The Gift

Probably Sam Raimi’s most slept on movie and although the South Park parody is better it’s still an interesting movie. Cate Blanchett is great as the fortune teller who gets roped into a murder investigation after seeing visions of what happened. It’s an intriguing but unspectacular thriller.

Best Bit- Ending

 

27.Rugrats In Paris: The Movie

As I said for the original movie, I’ve always been a sucker for Rugrats and even though I had stopped watching the series for a few years when this came out I still watched it and enjoyed it. It’s good natured, warm family fun with great voice acting and cute characters. What’s not to love? Unless you have a heart of stone. Dr Lipschitz represent.

Best Bit-Sushi restaurant

 

 

26. Chicken Run

A loveable family movie from British stop motion master s Aardman who are best known for the Wallace And Gromit series of movies. It’s basically The Great Escape with chickens who are trying to escape before being turned into pies. It’s the most successful stop animation movie of all time.

Best Bit-Final battle

 

25. Shanghai Noon

A fun buddy movie about a Chinese princess being kidnapped and brought the the American west in the 19th century. Jackie Chan travels from China to America to save her, then commences lots of hilarious “Asian man doesn’t understand things” kind of comedy that somehow manages to not be offensive and seems good hearted and funny. It sure helps that Chan is always immensely likeable in everything he does. A fun martial arts western.

Best Bit-Meeting the natives

 

24. Final Destination

One of the most popular horror franchises since the turn of the millennium started here with this existential look at death and how escaping your fate only makes it chase after you even harder. It started off as a pitch for an x-files episode but ended up here. It’s a teen horror and definitely not the best in the series but a good base for what would become a hugely entertaining franchise.

Best Bit- The opening

23. Unbreakable

M Night Shyamalan was the hottest new director in the world after the phenomenal success of The Sixth Sense and this was his follow up. Although it didn’t hit the heights of the former it was still a critical hit and still holds up as many people’s favourite of his movies. I’m not in that camp but I did still enjoy this thriller about a man who survives a horrific train crash without a mark on him and his quest to find out how.

Best Bit- The twist

 

22.Dancer In The Dark

The most artistically powerful movie on the list and the performance from Icelandic artist Bjork is incredible. Lars Von Trier’s relentlessly bleak and emotionally draining drama sees an immigrant who lives in poverty trying to save up money to pay for an operation to prevent her son going blind like she is. She daydreams about her life being an elaborate musical. It’s brutal in it’s bleakness.

Best Bit-The ending

 

21.Romeo Must Die

Romeo Must Die is something of an anomaly in that it was a mainstream Hollywood movie with a Chinese lead with a black co star/love interest. It deserves more props for that and I know for a fact that there are many western based Asian that were incredibly empowered by this. It was Jet Li’s western breakthrough and beautiful RnB star Aaliyah made her film debut here and did a fine job. Unfortunately she would die in a plane crash a year later at the age of 22. Much like when Jackie Chan came to Hollywood, the movies focused more on relationships and the hi octane choreography is toned down compared to the Hong Kong industry. Nonetheless this is a very entertaining one. Oh and DMX is in it OWF OWF OWF WHERE MY DAWGS AT?

Best Bit- Playing football

 

20. Road Trip

Todd Phillips’ breakthrough comedy was a staple of early 00s sky movies and I used to watch it all the time when nothing else was on. What a sign of the times this was, I men you have Sean William Scott in the exact same role he played in American Pie, Amy Smart (whatever happened to her?) a fun ska, punk and rock soundtrack and of course Tom Green. It’s a teen sex comedy which was pretty much every comedy from this era but this one worked.

Best Bit-Frat house

 

19. Cast Away

Watch the trailer below and tell me it doesn’t spoil the whole damn movie…..it also steals the Braveheart theme!. Weird stuff, anyway this was a huge hit and a staple of the comedy show parodies at the time. Tom Hanks plays a family man who ends up trapped on a desert island who becomes best pals with a volleyball. It’s sad and there are few actors who can garner sympathy like Tom Hanks.

Best Bit- WIIIIILSON!!

 

18.Me, Myself And Irene

A great vehicle for Jim Carrey to perform his trademark physical comedy comes in the form of this comedy by the Farrelly brothers. He plays a weak willed and downtrodden man who has a breakdown and ends up with split personality disorder. His second personality is the much “cooler” and more confident man he wishes he was. Renee Zellweger is likeable as the love interest and it’s a sweet movie. For the record split personality is not schizophrenia, please learn this movies. 

Best Bit-Down the hill

 

 

17.Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV

Definitely the biggest “acquired taste” entry of the list and for fans of Troma films only. I enjoy the Toxic Avenger series and the inexplicably greenlit kids cartoon Toxic Crusaders based on the movies. Toxie is Troma’s mascot and this entry is one giant love letter to the series and Troma in general with cameos galore and over the top slapstick gore. A really good time for fans of B movie nonsense. ….and sgt kabukiman is in it which is always a good thing.

Best Bit- Drunk Kabukiman

 

 

 

 

16.Memento

Christopher Nolan’s breakthrough movie (although on a much smaller scale than his mega breakthrough) is an incredibly intelligent neo-noir thriller starring the always underrated Guy Pearce. He plays a man suffering from insomnia who must figure out who killed his wife by using photographs and tattoos of clues on himself as he is unable to forge new memories. It’s gripping stuff and a unique way of telling a story.

Best Bit- Start at the end

 

15.Blood: The Last Vampire

A classic anime about a vampire hunting bat like creatures on an American airbase during the Vietnam war. Directed by the great Hiroyuki Kitakubo, the animation is fantastic and it mixes great, gothic atmosphere with violence and action that the best anime often muster up. The best animated movie of the year by a long shot.

Best Bit-The train

 

14.Versus

This little gem was on my favourite zombie movies list and it’s an insane little slice of hyper violence from Ryuhei Kitamura where a group of Yakuza are forced to battle hordes of zombies in a mystical forest. Sword fighting, gun play and martial arts all combine to make this a brilliantly over the top Japanese classic.

Best Bit-Final fight

 

13. Scary Movie

After the Wayans brothers nailed it out of the park with their excellent ghetto movie parody Don’t Be A Menace they decided to take on the horror genre and hit it huge with this monster success. It’s right in my wheelhouse too as it’s parodying a lot of movies I love so the jokes mostly hit with me. Anna Faris is also incredibly likeable and funny in the lead role. It’s a shame to see how low the Wayans have sunk with their awful movies now but then again they make a lot of money so….what do I know?.

Best Bit-In the cinema

 

12. Ring 0: Birthday

The third entry in the Ring franchise is far more muted and introspective than the first too focusing more on drama than straight up horror. It documents Sadako’s (the creepy wee girl in the tv) life as a teenager in an acting troupe and the events that led to her becoming the vengeful spirit we all know from the other movies. It’s a nuanced and deliberately paced drama horror with a great backstory for fans of the franchise.

Best Bit-The ending

 

11. Best In Show

Christopher Guest, who has become something of a master of the mockumentary with many improvised moments and surrealist, dry and sardonic humour. This one looks at a dog show and the bizarre owners of the participating dogs. A great cast including Eugene Levy, Parker Posey, Catherine O’ Harra, Michael Mckean, Fred Willard, Jane Lynch and more. It’s really funny in that dry, Spinal Tap style.

Best Bit- Two left feet

 

10. Gladiator

Ridley Scott’s historical epic about a Roman general whose family is murdered by the emperor’s son and is reduced to slavery was one of the biggest and most celebrated movies of the year. Russel Crowe went from well known actor to mega star with this powerful performance but I always thought the real star was Joaquin Phoenix as the slimy, sniveling villain and I’m not usually a fan of his. He was tremendous in this. 

Best Bit- Confronting Commodus

 

9.Shadow Of The Vampire

Back on the 1990 list I excitedly talked up a micro budget indie art horror film called Begotten by E. Elias Merhige and this was his first Hollywood movie. It’s a fictional account of the filming of the classic horror movie Nosferatu. Weird things start to happen and the actors and crew begin to have serious concerns about the actions of the the movie’s lead. The second of only three movies the talented director has made. I don’t know if that’s a personal choice or he can’t get any work….if it’s the latter then that’s a disgrace.

Best Bit-No reflection

 

8. Chopper

Incredible to think that Eric Bana went on to become a worldwide heartthrob when you look at his starring debut here portraying the real life Aussie criminal Mark “Chopper” Read The Tasmanian Devil. The film is based on Read’s life in and out of jail and living a rough and violent life on Australia’s rough streets. Read is portrayed as charming, likeable but also a complete psychopath who sees himself as a vigilante, cleaning the streets of drug dealers and other scum. A powerhouse performance from future Rom Com staple Bana. 

Best Bit- Chopper stabbed

 

7. The Filth And The Fury

Being a punk I could go on about this movie for a long long time but I like to keep these concise. This classic Julien Temple documentary looks at the short but monumental Sex Pistols reign of terror that started fashion trends, attitude shifts and shocked the whole conservative UK into hilarious panic. The weirdest parts for me though as a young punk at the time was seeing how manufactured they were, like a spitting, snarling boyband with good music in all honesty with the creepy Malcolm McLaren pulling the strings. It also highlights how Sid Vicious, a hero to many punks (not me) was really just a pathetic, lost child thrown into a situation he was not ready for. It’s a continuation of Temple’s 1980 Sex Pistols documentary The Great Rock And Roll Swindle and is the better of the two movies with lots of footage and so much time had passed that there was a lot more stories and context to come from their time as a band.

Best Bit-The collapse

 

6.Requiem For A Dream

Oh boy what a barrel of laughs this one is. Darren Aronofsky’s insanely bleak look at addiction is a brutally depressing but incredibly powerful film with excellent performances from the likes of Jennifer Connelly, Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto and more. It’s often considered a horror movie because it’s the most real of horrors, this kind of life is being lived by millions every day, living in their own private hell and spiraling out of control.

Best Bit- Final scene

 

5. X-Men

The movie that pretty much started the comic book movie revolution in terms of studios throwing huge budgets behind the movies and supporting them properly unlike some of the others that were left to struggle. Bryan Singer took the source material seriously and although some decisions were a little eyebrow raising for fans of the comics it was a definite step in the right direction. Some of the casting was superb such as Magneto and Xavier being played by Ian McCellan and Patrick Stewart respectively. 

Best Bit- Rogue wakes up Wolverine

 

4.High Fidelity

This was another of those that was always on sky movies and I must have watched it every night for weeks. A s a music lover I was just obsessed even though the music involved wasn’t exactly my favourite it was a movie that anyone who has a deep obsession for music can understand. It’s a warm romantic comedy as well but the real hook is all the musical lingo and the different types of fans you meet when you’re a part of any music scene. It just works and John Cusack is great in the lead role with a breakthrough performance from Jack Black. As a list lover (obviously) the characters obsession with lists is engaging.

Best Bit-Not for sale

 

3.Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I remember this coming out and as you’ll know if you’ve been keeping up, I’m a massive martial arts movie fan so when the critics started going nuts over this I was a bit taken aback because the genre had never really been taken seriously by critics. Intricate and elaborate wire work was becoming a staple in the genre by this point and it was never something I was a big fan of, I always preferred the wireless choreography but this movie took wire work to new heights….literally with some beautiful sequences. Directed by the soon to be huge Ang Lee, the cinematography was simply stunning and was more like an art movie filled with beautiful paintings. 

Best Bit- Yu Shu Lien vs Jen Yu

 

2. American Psycho

A black comedy psychological thriller based on the controversial book by Brett Easton Ellis starring Christian Bale as an emotionless psychopath yuppie in the 80s. It flips from bizarre and funny to deeply disturbing in the flip of a switch with Bale acting insane and over the top one minute to cold and distant the next. It’s an amazing performance and an enticing movie that’s endlessly quotable and completely memorable.

Best Bit-Huey Lewis

 

1. Battle Royale

One of the rare occasions where the film is better than the book. This brilliant piece of Japanese cinema is a pulse raising dark humour/thriller/horror about an out of control youth generation and an authoritarian government who picks a school class to take part in a game of death on an island where it’s last kid standing. Friends and lovers are pitted against each other and it’s horrible to see these kids get the character development to know that they’ll be fighting each other soon. The different colourful characters and of course the inclusion of actress Kou Shibasaki who I’m slightly in love with is always a good thing. Tarantino was so impressed with the movie he claimed it was one of the best of the decade and used actress Chiaki Kuriyama in Kill Bill. The involvement of list regular Beat Takeshi just adds to the legitimacy of this Kinji Fukasaku masterpiece. Damn I love this movie.

Best Bit- Souma vs Kiriyama

 

That’s 2000 in the bag. I’m debating whether to go back and do the 80s or keep going and doing the 00s. Let me know what you think and catch me @swing_kinker Cheeeeers x

 

 

 

 

 

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