No Raccoons Or Tree Creatures Were Harmed During The Making Of This Film

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How about some spoiler-free musings on Guardians of the Galaxy? Oh, go on then…

“I have an army!”

“We have a Hulk.”

Yeah, well, that’s all well and good, Tony. Y’know what your li’l ol’ movie was missin’ though? Here’s a hint –



Three little words, but oh my, how they rock! Your kids are gonna love Rocket. Hell, I love Rocket! In fact, there’s not a character amongst the Guardians I didn’t like. James Gunn has assembled (what?!?) a fantastic cast for what may very well be my favourite entry to the Marvel Cinematic Universe to date. A bold statement, I know, considerin’ that the last film released was the superbCaptain America: The Winter Soldier. There was a lot to live up to, but the players were in place to rise to the challenge.

Chris Pratt has the charisma to carry off the scoundrel with a heart of gold. You will believe that while he may be an a-hole, he’s not 100% a dick.  Zoe Saldana is believably badass as Gamora, The Most Dangerous Woman In The Universe. Check out… well, ANY of her fight scenes and you’ll know not to cross her. Bautista was a lot better as Drax than I was expectin’ (I wasn’t expectin’ very much right enough). As the muscle who wants nothing more than vengeance against Ronan for his murdered wife and daughter, he pretty much nailed it. That’s not to say that he just stood around and scowled a lot before battering his enemies senseless (he did do that too). Nope, he had some of the funniest lines in the whole film and that is really sayin’ somethin’!

That’s the thing about Guardians of the Galaxy that I really wasn’t expectin’ – it’s one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I’ve laughed as much at a film since… Anchorman, maybe. Before that, you’d need to go alllllll the way back to Airplane. Seriously. That kinda laugh out loud. It’s sad in places too. The opening will definitely have you reaching for your man-size tissues. Not me, right enough. No. I… I had somethin’ in my eye was all. *sniff, sniff*

“But, what about Rocket and Groot?” I hear you cry? I’m gettin’ to them. Don’t rush me, ‘kay? ‘Kay.

*ahem* Where was I? Oh, yeah… Crying. I mean, er, gettin’ the popcorn outta my eye, of course. Yeah. That.

Right, you wanna know about, Rocket? Bradley Cooper almost steals the show as the wise-crackin’, heavily armed, genetically modified raccoon with a whole bag of chips on his tiny, hairy shoulders. Seriously, you’re gonna be sick of your kids imitating the sadistic wee rascal. He’s great. The star of the show though, has to be Groot. Every scene he’s in (which is pretty much all of them), he steals. Those three little words can sound both sweet and extremely menacing and pretty much every other thing in between. Vin Diesel, take a bow, sir. The visual effects team have to take a lot of the credit here though, as every facial expression or shrug of those massive, gnarly shoulders is perfect. Like a giant, hairless, bark-y Chewbacca. That good. I am not ashamed. Say it loud and say it proud. I. Love. Groot!

The antagonists are a little bit of a let down in GotG though. Lee Pace’s Ronan The Accuser is menacing enough, but never rises above being anything more than “the villain” of the piece. Karen Gillen as Nebula doesn’t really get much of an opportunity to shine either. No problems at all with the performances of either Pace or Gillen, I just would’ve liked to have seen a wee bit more of them is all. Thanos on the other hand? I dunno, I loved the glimpse we got of his big, purple, Skrully-chinned mug in the post-credits scene in Avengers Assemble. Like most’a y’all, I was excited to see more of the big guy, but his appearance here left me feelin’ somewhat underwhelmed. I think it’s because we get a better look at him, but I wasn’t digging him in this. At all. Seems that for me, less is definitely more when it comes to the mad Titan.

The film ain’t called Ronan, Nebula & Thanos Lay the Smackdown though. Nope, it’s awwww aboot the Guardians and, honestly, I’da paid money to watch ’em sit around bitchin’ at each other. Luckily there’s plenty of action to munch your popcorn to. The prison scenes on the Kyln, the space station Knowhere we glimpsed in the trailers and the final battle on Xandor are what you want from a summer blockbuster. Increasingly bigger in scope, exciting and choc full’a explosions. Oh, and there’s a dance-off. YASS!

Well? What’re ya waitin’ for? Go see Guardians of the Galaxy several times today!

(Algie – Ahhhhhhh-ahhhhhh-ahhhhhhh’m hooked on a feelin’. You will be too.)